#29: Retrospective: The Year that Changed Me // Love Letter to London

Hello Everyone! Today has been a day of farewells and now the time has come to say goodbye to you guys. This will  be my last post on the blog and a different one for that matter. It’s a more creative piece. It's my reflections on the past year. I hope you enjoy it (: I also hope you don't get bored while reading it, I know it's quite long).

I am sitting in my tiny room three storeys above street level looking down upon random people passing by our house. I absentmindly listen to their conversations as they drift upwards and through my open window. I’ll miss my room. The walls are bare now and the closet is empty; all my belongings jammed into the suitcase outside my door, but it still feels safe.

   After eleven months in London, my stay in this wonderful, vibrant city has come to an end and it is with a heavy that I am saying goodbye. It has truly been an extraordinary year.

It has been a year of letting go and getting lost and finding one’s way back again. When I left Denmark last summer I had no idea that working as an au pair in London would come to make such a great impact on me, however, it certainly has. I have been challenged and inspired, I have grown and matured and I been lucky enough to meet some amazing people along the way. 

When I first arrived, I remember London coming across as a perfectly mad place. The sheer amount of people was overwhelming - the contradiction of being surrounded by thousands and thousands of people yet feeling completely anonymous. The city is pretty brutal in that way; you can stay here for days without anyone talking to you or even acknowledging your existence.

  The challenge of building a social network from scratch has therefore also proved one of the biggest challenges that I have had to face while living here. No one is forcing you to socialize; basically, you rely completely on your own initiative to meet other people, something that I thought was though at times. However, looking back now it also makes me extra proud of what I have achieved on that account; knowing that during this year I have made friendships which will last for a long time.

I chose London because I loved the sound of this colourful place where diversity was celebrated and different cultures and religion existed side by side. At arrival I was not disappointed.
   During my stay in London I’ve met people of more different nationalities than I believe I would have travelling the world in the same amount of time. I’ve met people from all continents, people of different skin-colour and of various religious beliefs. I visited China Town, Korean Town and Bhangla Town all carefully nestled within the boundaries of this modern Western Capital. I seen the contrasts, but also the similarities between cultures. I haven't been outside England once in the past year, yet I feel like my horizon has been broadened enormously.  

When you fall in love with a city, you have to wait for the city to love you back before you will truly feel at home. That's the conclusion I believe. I loved London from the beginning, but it took months of confusion and frustration before I started seeing the patterns behind the immediate chaos. You don’t just become a Londoner over night; it’s more of a subtle process where you slowly become familiar with the city, its unwritten laws and its way of life until, suddenly, you feel like you belong. 

   For me the realization of having become a Londoner came when I started running down the escalators for no specific reason. True Londoners are always in a hurry even though they are really not.

Living in London makes you awfully spoilt, I think. I actually have the feeling that I might need a decompression chamber when I come back to my small hometown in order to prevent myself from turning into a roaring London dickhead. Because what do you mean the shops aren’t open on Sundays? And why aren’t there any Wi-Fi hotspots around here? I have to wait a 15 minutes for the next bus!? Where is Starbucks? Where is Pret? Why won’t Asos deliver the same day? Why won’t the online supermarkets deliver at all? And why is the local radio station obsessively plugging a marmalade festival!?

   I can just picture it. It will be a difficult transition without a doubt.

What I love about London is that there is no judgement here. Posing, preening and thinking you are ‘it’ is acceptable. There is  no right or wrong way. It is a city that cherishes the odd and eccentric and those individuals who dare to stand out. You can be exactly who you want and no one will judge you. It is a liberating experience.
   Though for me it hasn’t been the possibility of running wild and doing what I wanted that made me grow. For me it was the encounter with the huge responsibility of taking care of two young girls that really changed me. Suddenly having someone depending on you, it puts things into perspective. It’s makes you more vulnerable, but at the same time it is also empowering. It makes you realize your own potential.      

London is lovely. Exhilarating. Life-enhancing. Any turn you make will find you a new place to drink, a new place to get up to mischief. Everywhere is crowed; stuff is happing; life is being lived here.  

   Yet, my life is taking a new direction spurring me away from all of this.

   Right now saying goodbye seems like the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I also know that the time has come for me to move on. New adventures lie ahead.
  

Huge thanks to all of you who have taken time out to read the blog and to follow my journey. It means incredibly much to me. To my family and friends, thanks for bearing with me when I have been late answering mails, messages, letters and Skype calls and know that your words always were very important to me.
   Documenting a year of my life has been a very interesting experience; thanks again for making it worthwhile. I’ll let the blog continue to exist as a memento of when I experienced London.

Lots of love,

x Sofie